Oops-a-daisie

I realised today while going through my posts that yesterday’s post was my first post of 2014! That came as a shock as I was a fairly regular monthly blogger. Sometimes more depending on what was happening. It then made me realise that I have been without adequate internet connection for just over a year. Once I got my connection back I have barely been offline. That made me think. Why is it we are so reliant on internet connections and social media? I realise that asking about this in an online forum may seem funny and ironic to some but it genuinely has made me think. I wake up most mornings now and connect and check FB as the kettle boils. It’s the first thing I do. I used to have my coffee and go get the paper. Now I view it all online. Now I love all things vintage but you have to wonder are newspapers already under the category vintage?
Love ya
Exxxx

I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library. — Jorge Luis Borges

Jorge Francisco Isidoro Luis Borges KBE 24 August 1899 – 14 June 1986 was an Argentine short-story writer, essayist, poet and translator, and a key figure in the Spanish language literature.

I have to agree with Mr Borges here. To me paradise, heaven, Valhalla, all of them to be will be a library. And not just any library. The kind of library in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast. I know that seems crazy but from the time I saw that movie I fell in love with that library and I always dreamed of having one just like it. Plus I really love the idea of having enough books to fill it. And in my heavens library it will be full of all my favourite books and naturally I will have the worlds most comfortable reading chair and there will be nobody there to start talking the very second I pick up my book even though I picked it up because they were silent for at least an hour previously. :)

I’m thinking of ways to get more advertising for this blog to be honest. I am definitely adding a page for book reviews, especially I think for self-published authors which is why I would love to get a bit more traffic to this but not entirely sure how to do it.

I am also thinking of adding  recipes page but not sure about this one yet.

Things are settling down. Slowly.

Since I last wrote my Dad is still sober, thankfully Or that I know of I should say. Remember things were pretty tense while he was in hospital with his partner? Well when he was in hospital me and her had a bit of a ruckus. I put it down to me being stressed and worried and the straw finally breaking the camels back and I lost the plot completely. We had a vicious argument and the next thing i know I am getting a call asking me to stay away from the house where she lives with my father. Anyway after this happened she stopped bothering going to the hospital to see my dad. Now at this point we still didn’t know how dad was getting on as regards to his liver (he was yellow). Then she sent her son up to the hospital and had him tell my father that he couldn’t come home after he was discharged because she couldn’t look after him. So it was left to me to find him somewhere safe to stay when and while he recovered because at this point I was living with friends and he was unable to stay with me and the rest of his family is still in Cork. So a friend of his who lived alone stepped up and offered his a room. However at the time he wasn’t able to deal with stairs so for safety when he eventually got out of hospital two months after he went in and he couldn’t even go home. So I spent another two months going over everyday cooking and cleaning and in those two months dad saw his “Life Partner” three times. Once he was up and running and back to normal he went back to live with her. I was still banned from the property and so I went back to my friends and started helping out around the place. Did not hear anything from dad until the following August. Apparently she was in Las Vegas and he stayed home. We got off the phone and I thought okay maybe things will get back to normal for him and me but nope that was wishful thinking.  I heard nothing from him until July of this year. Almost a full year since we last spoke. And to be honest it breaks my heart.

My dad and I were always close, closer than me and mam ever were. Dad was the one who encouraged my love of books, and then my love of writing. We shared a lot of the same tastes in books, and TV and movies. Some of the conversations and debates could go on for hours. And now we never talk. Thing is he was the one who sent me a text in July saying “we never talk anymore and it sucks.” And since then we met up once and he never answered my text messages since. I really don;t know what to do. But the good news is I guess, is that he is still of the drink. Can’t hope for much more than that at the moment.

I will be putting up my first book review on Monday hopefully.

Love ya and keep writing, and reading

Exxxxx

 

Back from the dead.

Hello!!!!!  I know its been a hell of a long time.  I am naughty, I know.  But are you really going to reprimand me?

Things have been crazy here lately, there is also the fact that where I am currently living, I cannot get internet….well I can but its satelite and seriously expensive.  It is so weird not having internet, not being able to go online when I want to, its a little annoying but also somewhat freeing!  I have found that I can live without internet.  Though I have not had much of a choice.  Though I have a data connection on my phone and am geek enough to have it set up as a wi-fi hotspot and can tether my phone to my laptop, the only time I can do that is when I have a data connection on my phone.  The only way you can have a decent data connection is by having phone reception….and guess what I don’t have?  LOL  for me to have a phone conversation at home I need to stand by the window, with the phone on speaker and do something akin to a rain dance…okay so I don’t have to do the rain dance but I may as well have to.  Thing is even though I have to do this to take or make a phonecall the reception seems to bounce around the house.  So that one minute its fine and the next it doesn’t exist.  Save to say it is a HUGE pain in the ass for trying to tether or even have a data connection on the phone and to be honest while I could write the blog from my phone it takes to long and predictive text makes it yet another pain in the ass.

And why, you ask would someone allow themselves to move somewhere that is almost a communication black hole….Well the simple answer is in fact love.  I met someone.  This someone is Irish which means I am gone back to my own nationality, no offense anyone but after going out with a German for four years this is something huge for me.  And it makes me wonder why on earth I pulled away from Irish guys in the first place.  Anyway, living on the farm, left me little time or opportunity to meet someone and my best friend Honza, pissed me off one day.  I was being quiet and just thinking about stuff, how much I didn’t want to get stuck in CH, and how lonely I actually was and he said that it really annoys him when I close myself off from him.  I told him it annoys me when he does the same thing and he claimed that when I said things like that he felt as though I had him on a leash.  I could only sit there and stare at him open mouthed, as he ranted at me that if I wanted to change my circumstances I should just do it, I should take dance lessons or a creative writing class or sign up to a dating website…All of which are valid suggestions and things we had talked about doing previously, but might I add, things he promised he would do with me as I am not great at stepping out of my comfort zone.  Granted he couldn’t do the dating website with me but he promised he would help me take some nice pictures for a dating profile.  Anyway while he was railing at me about all this all I could think was “You are such a hypocrite” at least when I am hurting I don’t shut the world out completely and cut all my friends and family off as he does.  So as I said he pissed me off so I decided I would do it without his help and so I signed up to a dating website.  It was something that scared me stupid but I was so pissed off that it never even once occured to me not to do it.  So I found an okay picture of myself and HEY PRESTO I was on a singles site.  Let me tell you at 30 years of age, a female and not too long having your life as you know it crumble down around your ears it is a scary as hell prospect to put yourself out there like that.  If anyone is wondering the site was; http://www.connectingingles.com (It is a global website but you can narrow down your critera to your area) Anyway I had a few emails come in and started talkin to some people and decided to meet this one particular guy.  So for the first time in my life, I had my first ever, first date.  :) It did not go well, but still I managed to get to 30 without ever going on a first date….that is slightly pathetic.  Anyway I decided not to let that stop me, then I met him online.

On my profile I specified I wanted a guy between 30 and 37, and one evening I got an email from a guy, Darren, saying that he was one year out but thought he would try for contact anyway.  I looked at his profile saw he was 38 and almost didn’t reply but in the end decided fuck it why not.  So I emailed him back.  Within days we had sent each other our numbers and kept in almost constant contact.  We met and it felt as if we had known each other years.  There was no pretense at all, things just were, and they were easy, so we agreed to keep seeing each other and we both cancelled our profiles on the dating site.  Within weeks we had told each other we loved each other, and he wanted me to move in with him.  A little gun shy I asked him to wait a few months to see how we got on with each other.  Well we continued to get on well and it continued being easy and I fell more and more in love with him.  So I have moved in with him.  Given that he had already bought his own house there was no real deciding on where we would live.  And that is the reason I live in a communication black hole.  The simplest, yet most complex motivation, love.  Finally I have a good guy and I think after everything I have been through I deserve it.

In other news, because I have not yet got my computer/study area setup (we are re-decorating) I have not done so much writing on my book.  Its a little hard to do it when you have no space to work in peace, especially witht he TV on so that has been put on hold until the decorating is all done.  Which will be hopefully at some point this week.

My father is doing well by all accounts, not that he is speaking much to me, but from what I have heard from my brother, he is still not drinking which means he is off the alcohol almost 10 months.  I am delighted and so proud of him.

There really is not much else to add.  I miss you all and hope everything in your lives is going well.  And remember two things, the first everything happens for a reason and the second, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

All my love,

Keep happy and keep writing,

Exxxxx

James Herbert OBE. 8 April 1943-20 March 2013. RIP

Oh wow James Herbert has died.  That is something that caught me by surprise.  Something great in the world of books and literature has died.  Maybe this is how people felt when Richie Valance and Buddy Holly died.

James Herbert, The Rats, was my first foray into his world.  The book was given to me by my best friend at the time, Paul, the guy I randomly met last week, when I was down home.  Almost from the first page I was hooked, by the end of the book I was terrified.  I have never been able to look at a rat, or even a mouse in the same way since.  I have read many, though sadly not all of his books over the years.  The last one I read scared me so much I didn’t sleep for almost two weeks and by the time I was half way through the book I decided I could only read it in daylight hours.  It was, of course, The Secret of Crickley Hall.  I have Ash on my to buy list for a long time but I have been trying to screw up the courage to buy it.  Because once I buy it I will have to read it, and I live in a really creepy house! I really don’t know what to say.  I have great memories of reading his books, sleeping with a torch and/or night light just in case.  In some cases not sleeping at all.  His writing was beautiful.  It is a shame that the world will never see another James Herbert book.

I know many do not like his style of writing but a lot has to be said that he has been a bestselling author since 1974.

A great man, a fantastic author.  He will be sorely missed by many.

My condolences go out to his family and friends.

Rest in Peace, James Herbert.  The world will miss you.

Love

Exxxx

Everything happens for a reason

I am a firm believer in that statement.  Everything does happen for a reason.  I found a quote the other day that helped kind of sum things up for me.  “Some day everything will make perfect sense.  So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and remind yourself that everything happens for a reason.”

Given some of the stuff that has happened with me over the last few months it is true.  I have, with help done the laughing and smiling and I have my friends to thank for that.  But sometimes I do wonder why some things happen.

I am currently in Cork with my mother, for my cousins engagement party.  And we, my mother and I were coming back from the city center after a heavy day of shopping.  And the subject of one of my closest friends when I was younger came up.  I haven’t seen Paul in at least six years, we had a huge fight and we stopped talking.  And even though he lives literally across the road I haven’t even run into him when I come home for a visit.  So me and mam were just talking and suddenly I see a guy at the bus stop about 50 yards away, and say “Mam is that him?” and she was like it can’t be.  That would be to weird, but as we got closer it became clearer it was him.  Now as I said we haven’t spoken or even recognized each other in years and then I see that he has spotted me and then he is smiling at me and hugging me.  I was gob-smacked to say the least.  We chatted for a bit and he gave me his number and to be honest I couldn’t think of a polite way to say no and to be honest I didn’t really want to.  I haven’t seen him in so long and we were the greatest for friends.  I have missed him.  So I will contact him this afternoon and see if he is free.  But the thing that is shocking is that I was talking about him and then suddenly he was there.  That hasn’t happened to me in years and it used to happen quite a lot to me.

Cork at the moment is going well, I don’t want to kill mam just yet and I have been down since Wednesday, but I am looking forward to going back home on Monday.  I will see my best friend and get a much needed hug from him.  I miss his hugs.  And isn’t it funny that all my best friends seem to be male?  I just seem to be able to get on better with men than I do with women.  But I have never minded that to be honest but it is just a little strange how he has come into my life again so suddenly.  Since me and Christian broke up all these people keep coming back into my life.  And I think that is a good thing because he managed to pull me away from all my friends, and made me dependent on him.  Of course, I did not notice this until after we broke up and realized how all my friends have disappeared.  But my life is settling down again and people are coming back.  I figure that if they are meant to be in my life, they will just turn up.   The Paul did yesterday.  I think it is proof that my life is getting back to normal.  And I couldn’t be happier.  You never know what comes your way so just smile and be happy and take life as it comes.  Things will happen no matter how much you plan, how much you try to avoid them happening so take life as it comes and deal with it when it hits, be it shit or otherwise.

Now I have to go because people are waiting on me.

Keep happy and keep on writing.

Love ya’ll

E xxxx

Smile, it confuses people!

Its been a long but okay week.  My best friend and I are sorted out, as I think I already mentioned.  It amounted to a mis-communication of sorts.  We are now due to some straight talking and no more beating around the bush, closer then ever strangely enough.  We seem to be more comfortable in each others company and get on easier.  I am once again, covered in bruises thanks to play fighting and for some strange reason I am finding scratches in weird places on my body but, given the way I was being thrown around like a rag doll that is to be expected.  I was given a Chinese Burn at some point over the week also.  I haven’t been given one of those since I was about 13 and man do they hurt.  I had forgotten how much they hurt to be honest.

But things are good.  It made for a fun week and weekend last week.  Albeit I don’t like surprises early in the morning, which his arrival here was.  We talked about a lot of stuff and cleared the air even more and things are back on a more even keel now.

The place is busy this week, lots going on.  Lambing is due to start soon, and I of course, am disappearing to Cork for the first few days of it.  My cousin is after getting engaged and the party is next weekend.  I am looking forward to it but it also means the extra days break, means more time spent with my mother.  the only consolation is she will be working until the afternoon some of the days so maybe my time in Cork won’t be spent wanting to kill her!  Not that I actually would I love my mother! (I don’t think she reads this but you never know!)

So I go to Cork on Wednesday as well.  Should be fun.  I am looking forward to the break, I am not looking forward to everything I have to do when I get back. Just thinking about it stresses me out and I get this horrible pain across my shoulders.  I am used to that feeling, its where the tension lies for me, but I will get through it.  My best friend promised to help out and whether he knows it or not yet I will be holding him to that promise.

Today is a day off, and my bosses/friends have gone out so I have the place to myself.  Most people would take the opportunity to do something crazy.  I plan to lock myself in my room with some movies and TV shows that I need to catch up on.

I know this post is a little all over the place but I don’t care.  Today is a good day.  Granted it is cold outside and a little inside and we are short on wood for the fires, but I am not starting up the tractor that overheated on me this morning to get more in.  That can be dealt with later or tomorrow on my other day off.  And I cannot wait to sleep in tomorrow.  Maybe I should text my best friend see if he is up for a Skype chat later.  Anyway right now I have to go paper the hens.  Yeah I live in the country.

Catch ya later,

Keep happy and keep on writing.

Love y’all

Exxxx

Flirt. Apparently its good for you.

I heard something today that made me smile.  And I think it suits.  “Stop waiting for Prince Charming.  Get up and find him.  The idiot is probably stuck in a tree or something.”  And I thought well that sums it up to a tee.  And given some of the things I was thinking about doing before I read it it felt as if something or someone was telling me that I need to do this.  Things, as you know, have been hard the last couple of months and I haven’t been coping real well.  Today has been a good day, though my mother reckons I only need to get laid.  And maybe I do.  I hate to say it but it has been awhile and I am a fairly hot blooded woman to be honest with you.  An FIB would be great given that one night stands are so not my thing.  Been there, done that, felt like shit.  And given that I am already quite down on myself a one night stand would probably drive me over the edge.  See mum, I have some sense after all!  (Not that she reads this.  Thank God, Satan, Budda and whoever else is out there stopping my mother finding my blog!)

The day started as normal, got up, showered and did my hair.  Got dressed and realized that having lost almost two stone I am almost back to the Miss Thin I was when I was in my early twenties and I looked damn good.  So went down had breakfast and for once I was on time for myself and the woman I am staying with, to leave.  Except due to another acquaintance who found it vitally important that he arrive this morning and this thing needed to be done, my being on time was wasted and we ended up waiting around for an hour and half before we could actually leave.  So we eventually left and did a few bits and pieces and we talked about a few things that had been bothering us.  I like Fridays as they are usually the one day I get out, even my days off are spent around this place.  And that can be hard.  So anyway, we did our errands and headed to Claremorris as I needed to find an engagement present for my cousin, (Congratulations Neil and Erica) and I must remember to buy a card!  And I found a lovely set of four wine glasses.  I have no idea if they will be their taste or not but they are simple, elegant and classic.  Best I can do, and hey when your drinking wine, a glass is a glass right?!  So anyway I took them up the checkout and I have to say there was a guy there who was so my type.  Tall, dark hair, cute smile and brown eyes.  Oh Lord above brown eyes.  I am a sucker for brown eyes.  And did I mention he was quite good looking?  Very like a guy I went out with a long time ago actually.  We flirted a little and I watched him wrap the gift, and my friend joined me from browsing the store, and said, “Oh he is wrapping it for you to?”  to which I replied, “Yes and he is doing a better job then I would.  He even cut the paper straight.”  The guy laughed and smiled as did I until my friend said, “Ah that’s because the paper has lines.”  I laughed and the guy blushed, and I said, “Oh I was quite impressed until you pointed that out.”  The guy, god love him said, “So was I.”  And while he wrapped we talked a little about little things that seemed to be everyday, idle chitchat.  It wasn’t until I had left I turned to my friend and stated my interest.  He was after-all my type and every time I go out with someone who isn’t in my type it ends up a disaster.  My relationship with Christian being a perfect example.  That was when my friend said she was surprised I hadn’t asked for or given him my number, because she said there was definitely chemistry there.  And therein lies my problem.  I don’t see these things.  I never have.  I can be completely oblivious when someone is flirting with me.  I tend to trust my friends when they say that there was something there.  She now has me a little over half convinced to go back there next week and just give him my number and say if he wants to use it he can.  I mean I could just write it on a piece of paper and hand it to him and leave again.  That way, I wouldn’t go red and I don’t have to face rejection head on.  But still I think, “I don’t know.”  But that is not the point I wanted to make.  The thing is, the exchange whether or not I do something about it has made me feel good.  It has made me feel attractive.  For the first time I noticed, guys look at me when I walk past.  A guy actually whistled at me today.  That my friends is a good feeling, especially when I have been put down almost everyday for three years.

Isn’t it funny that sometimes you end up in a relationship that you think is a good relationship, until you get out of it.  Then you realize that it was actually a rather abusive relationship, or at least not healthy.  I gave everything I had for Christian, I moved away from my main family, I gave up my job, my friends.  I lost an awful lot of friends throughout the relationship because they were telling me what I couldn’t see.  Christian of course backed me up and encouraged me to get them out of my life.  Thankfully there were a few friends that stuck around.  And I mean literally a few.  Even the one I have been so angry with for the last few weeks.

So there is a long week ahead.  Plenty of sheep to feed and fluke, logs to be brought in, and god knows what else but it shall be done and if I am lucky I will get some writing done in the down times.  I might even actually continue with the edits of the first draft of my book and get it out of the way.

So keep on writing and keep happy.

Love y’all.

Exxxx

PS Flirt with a stranger, its good for you!